he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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