If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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