You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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