Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
