I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
