I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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