It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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