k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
