Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
