You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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