You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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