It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
