She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
