Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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