whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
