She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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