saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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