I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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