Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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