Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
