So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
