And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk is a universal language darling
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
