I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize