apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
