So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
