I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
