Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
