is your mom at the bar?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
