In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
