he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
