If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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