Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
