Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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