New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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