ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
