You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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