thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize