please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
