Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
