My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
