Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
