He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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