I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
