id be glad to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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