I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Still dying that you shit outside
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
