oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
