One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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