I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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