No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
