my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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