Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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