Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
where am i from again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
