hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize