how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
