Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
