Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
