I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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