The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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