its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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