sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize